.... And We're Back!

Back again...

Much has happened in the two years since I've last blogged.  Ultimately ending up back where we started, although we are not working toward weight loss surgery as a goal, just weight loss and health gain!

I believe most of you who read know us personally, so we'll just do a quick recap of what happened in our lives (and my body) in the last year.

In 2014 I had two surgeries, one to remove a gigantic Fibroid that John named Phil.  Phil the Fibroid.  Thankfully, he was not cancerous!  Sadly, all reproductive organs went with Phil, so we won't be having biological babies.  (FYI - that's a lot to process emotionally and mentally, and I know I'm still working through my feelings on it, I would bet that John is, too, but I try not to speak for him.)  The second surgery was in July to determine why my wound wasn't fully healing.  Doc took out two sutures that were supposed to be permanent, but seemed to be causing issues with my body (even though the rest of the permanent sutures were the same type, and healed just fine.)

Finally healed around the end of September 2014.  In October, I got a cold... and promptly realized I had a hernia from my incision.  January of 2015 I met with the Doc about how to fix this.  Surgery is the only way to repair a hernia - and Doc doesn't want to do surgery until I lose weight.  (If I wanted to do WLS, then I could do that because the benefit outweighs the risk, of this super morbidly obese woman having surgery).  I cried.  A lot.

That weekend I developed my 2015 motto (and maybe, it will just be my life's motto):

I Refuse to Hate Myself.

This has been such a big deal for me this year.  Such an eye opener.  I think part of the reason I failed at dieting and making life changes throughout my life, is that internal hate feature so many (if not all) of us have.  Even the little things we criticize ourselves about, or put ourselves down about, can't help but make us hate ourselves, even just a little more.

So people, knock it off.

• I Refuse to Hate Myself - for buying healthy vegetables and fruit, having them rot in the fridge before being used.  (I took a step towards bettering my health.  And that's a great thing.)
• I Refuse to Hate Myself - for starting to exercise and promptly making the treadmill a storage unit within the next week.  (I took a couple of steps toward bettering my health.  And that's a great thing.)
• I Refuse to Hate Myself - for starting smoking again.  And then quitting again.  And then still really, really, really wanting to smoke (but I haven't again since 12/1/15). 
• Okay, I can't lie.  I am still kind of hating on myself for this, but I'm REALLY trying not to.  Life is hard.  I fell off but I'm back on again.  And that's a GREAT step toward bettering my health.

In September of this year, I met with the Doc again, and cried again.  He doesn't want me to die in surgery because of obesity complications.  And Doc, that's totally cool.  I don't want that either.  I'm just really tired of having this hernia bulge because I am FAR TOO CUTE for this!  But he did say that if I made some progress and was working a plan with their Medical Weight Loss team, he would consider it.

I finally got that ball rolling toward the end of November.  John is joining me in this journey because we do both want to be healthy, live longer, fuller lives, and enjoy each other during that time.  

We have the same team that we are working with, though obviously we have separate appointments.  We both enjoy our dietician and our bariatrician.  Both Docs are giving us individual goals and meds, tailored to what we need.  John and I are very different people, even when it comes to our overeating habits.  :)

I think this is where I wish to end my update for today.