Sobriety, Perfectionism, Procrastination, Separation

It was a hard day.

Today John and I had a joint appointment with his Bariatric therapist. She is much different than our couples' counselor, but not really in a bad way.

She had us take turns in stating how we feel we influence each others food choices and it was hard to hear so much resentment and blame from my husband. We've talked that through since, but it still made for an emotionally charged afternoon and evening. I am feeling pretty drained.

John was the lucky husband of stark-raving-crazy-anxiety girl today. He's not used to seeing me so...strung out? Best way I can describe it. I just wanted to fold into myself and couldn't even look at him while we talked. And it's all about food. As I write that I realize that it's about a lot more than food, that's just the addiction I use to deal with whatever, or what all, it is.

I can't tell you everything that it is, for some of it I probably don't even know. And some of what I do know, I don't want the world to know.

Separation:
No, we aren't separating, but today we were asked to separate our meals. In the idea that it can eliminate our need to,  or our ability to, blame the other for our food and exercise choices. I think this is a good idea for us both. She also suggested taking turns as to who is responsible for food choice and prep always with an option B in the fridge/freezer for the other to opt to as their own meal.

John has been needing a list of concrete objectives that the Center is looking for in order to approve us for surgery and she said that she's comfortable in saying we need consistency in healthy portioned meals and exercise.

I'm comfortable with that and believe John is too. Personally I'd like to have a regular fitness routine in place for 30 days before approval as I feel it will better our chances of a smooth operation and recovery.

Procrastination & Perfectionism:
I have a bit of both which should be no surprise to those that know me!

My Dietician, last Friday, said, "You remind me of a prior patient who said her therapist diagnosed her with perfectionism and procrastination; if you're not going to do it perfectly, you're not going to do it at all."

Well shoot. Pretty sure that's me in a nutshell. This was a good and big discovery for me. I guess it's something I've known in the back of my mind but never put those words to it.

Sobriety:
This is what popped into my head last Friday after submerging myself and my feelings in a bunch of wings, pizza, and season finales of my current shows.

How does one find sobriety from an addiction to an item needed to survive? I guess I need to find Sobriety from using food to calm any or all of my emotions?

This is one crazy-bringing journey we are on. I don't like the crazy, but I pray we work it out soon.